Thursday, June 18, 2009

My Disappearing Act

Stop taking it personally.

It has nothing to do with depression, personal grudges, lack of time or, for all intents and purposes, introversion.

There's just this intense repetition that I end up deciding I see when I spend time with the same person/group of people (or even people in general) over certain periods of time. I dislike it and fall out for a while, before coming back into realistic contact.

It isn't too difficult for me to make and (sometimes) keep acquaintances, but it isn't viable for me to maintain any long term friendships with anyone at all who doesn't understand that I'm prone to falling off the face of the earth once in a while.

You're making too much of it to think that I've forever lost all interest and accuse me of doing so because I feel like I need to steer myself away from the repetition of activities, conversation, thoughts, and feelings that comes with spending time with someone. It has nothing to do with you and, really, nothing to do with people in general. I so dislike the idea of repeating the same courses of action with anyone or any group that I pry myself away from it so that I'm more likely to enjoy it later, and less likely to stick a pistol in my mouth now.

Bringing it to my attention without an ability to understand where I'm coming from, worrying about it in a blatant and outspoken manner, or accusing me of using someone because of it isn't going to do anything at all but increase the likelihood of my wanting to stay far away.

Just because I'm not afraid of losing those relatively close to me doesn't mean I want that to happen.

My Advice:
Calm the fuck down.

If we were worth each other's time beforehand, then I don't doubt we will be afterward.


Lynn Arnsdorf,  May 30, 2010 at 10:13 AM  

okay, this is damn good....your friend, Lynn (trader joe's)

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